Not using it, losing it

A while back I wrote that I was only occasionally updating this blog because I was so busy acting. Now I am writing that I am only occasionally updating this blog because I am so busy not acting...

Since the beginning of November I have had one (repeat one) audition. Eight days ago, as previously reported, at the Royal Festival Hall. I didn't get the part. Later today I have another audition (as a killer - what else? - in a profit share in a theatre in Crouch End). I don't think I'll get the part. After that, nothing.

Because I'm not using my acting muscle, I can feel it beginning to wither. I've been rehearsing my audition piece for the last week (the one that starts with the "Stupid Bitch", through the immortal "And then I shot her stone fucking cold dead. BANG." to end with the thoughtful, but sparsely, punctuated "And believe me this line of work pays well. So what's not to love?") and it's not working. I don't feel it. I'm acting, not being. The lines vanish from my mind no matter how often I repeat them. I'll go in there this afternoon and give it my best, but my best isn't nearly as good as it should be.

At the back of my mind I tell myself that if by some miracle I get the part - if all the others up for audition contract sudden and repeated attacks of vomiting that keeps them out of the running until I appear on that stage - it'll work out all right. Rehearsals will bring back my confidence and ability and on opening night I'll be a Star (at least whatever passes for a Star in Crouch End). So I'm not ruling myself out entirely. But I'm not expecting much.

Meanwhile, Agent Stephen has called to tell me my Equity membership application is on track and he has been putting me up for various roles. But on track is not arrival and putting up has not led to casting calls, so no progress there. As for the plans to produce the one-(wo)man plays, one theatre has turned us down; two others have placed us on hold and the rest aren't replying. Motionless there too

The good news is the rest of my life is busy. Late this afternoon an old friend from Rio de Janeiro is coming to stay for a few days, then he and I and the Other Half head up to Scotland for my birthday celebrations. I won't be back in London until early December, so don't be surprised if I don't post another entry until then...