Not Wanted

Another audition, another silence. I was up for a major part in Lilies, a prison drama with a play-within-a-play being produced by Wild Oats for performances in Dublin, Brighton and London. I gave them my monologue (Azdak in The Caucasian Chalk Circle) and then, after a little preparation, read from the play itself. The monologue was ok rather than good, but I imbued the lines from Lilies real depth and variety, acting rather than reading, moving and reacting to my partner, ending on a dramatic pause on the line "and that little sneak . . . is you". I wasn't convinced I'd get the part, but I was sure I'd be one of those called back the next day.

And of course, I wasn't. Ah well. Rejection is the name of the game. I don't mind when it's something I don't really want - usually a student film written by some emotional innocent who is unable to spell simple English - but I'm disappointed when it is a project that I could give a significant contribution to. I reassure mysef by saying that if they turn down someone as good as me, it must be because they have someone pretty awesome lined up....

From the audition to coffee with the lovely Shahla and from there, eventually to the National Film Theatre and David Lynch's Fire Walk With Me. I've been a Twin Peaks fan since it first came out, but I hadn't seen the prequel film for 20 years when, like most others, I'd been profoundly irritated by it. But having rewatched the series recently I wanted to give the film a second chance and I'm glad I did.

It still has many faults - much of the prologue (the Teresa Banks murder) is weak and with jokes that do not work; the David Bowie scene is pointless - but the main body of the film, depicting Laura's descent into destruction, is powerful and disturbing.

One problem remains with Laura's story - the fact that it is too diffuse, with half the characters from the TV series showing up in mini-scenes that distract too easily from the main story. There's no way to solve that issue, so it has to be accepted - and if they had brought in the rest of the cast and included everyone from the Sheriff's Department, the mill and the Great Northern Hotel, the film would have turned into something akin to a variety show.

Back home and the day ended with the Other Half and me on the sofa listening to Leonard Cohen's Old Ideas. Not his best album, but better than Dear Heather and pretty good for a man of 78. And so to bed.