Tone Deaf

Singing class again. As mentioned before, I hate to sing in public. On my own, I can belt out a song (notice, I didn't say tune) with the best of them. But when I'm surrounded by people who can sing, and when I'm asked to produce the same note as the accompanying piano, my brain disconnects and my voice has no idea where it is or where it should go. In a chorus I can mouth my way through, but when, like everyone else, I'm asked to do a one-line solo (in "There Is Nothing Like A Dame" from South Pacific), I become increasingly tense. All I want to do is walk straight out of a class to which I can add nothing. But I can't act the Diva, so I sit there becoming increasingly angry that instead of listening to one of Rogers and Hammerstein's greatest songs, I am forced to ruin other people's and my own pleasure with my harsh, ugly, tune-destroying voice.

Nor is my mood enhanced when the men are sent off while the women rehearse their production. We sit in Starbucks, slightly subdued. Some of us tell jokes; while one of mine works, the others fall flat. I should have kept silent but I was tone deaf to the mood. It's a relief when class finishes early and I can go home.

My own mood does not improve when I review the upcoming timetable. Tomorrow is Voice, which, given the experience of last week, I'm not looking forward to. The day after is Movement, which might be interesting if the teacher demonstrates what the connection is between running around like butterflies and acting on the stage. More Singing on Friday and half Saturday wasted on more Movement. The more I think about this course and how little acting we are doing, and how little we are learning about actual stagecraft, the more irritated I become. This is not what I thought I was spending my money on and I do not see how it will help me develop the talent I seem to have.